Mar 2 2016
As we sit here consuming stir fry poultry with broccoli, we must quietly reflect and ask for forgiveness… “Yay, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of meat” … Oh crap! Who are we kidding? We are not about to ask the vegan metal gods to forgive our carnivorous sins. Rose is not a vegan… far from it… we are not even a good quasi vegetarian for that matter. We do profess a disdain for beef due to the fact that cows were some of our dearest childhood friends. (unless, of course, there’s a good grilled steak or Yuengling burger grill mastered by Rose’s youngest offspring involved).
But alas, we have already strayed from the path and purpose for this opinion; which is The Seitanic Spellbook, a work recently bestowed upon the masses by the one and only Vegan Black Metal Chef.
We can say that we are somewhat acquainted with the Chef, however, not so much so that we will be unable to give you our true damned opinion of this culinary and literary work of art. So here we go (pardon us Chef….this may be blasphemy to your dark metal spirit and vegan heart).
As a book, The Seitanic Spellbook is well worth the price and then some. From the start, It’s dark and beautiful cover bids you to open it and unlock the secrets within. Once you do, you will feast your eyes upon page after page of delicious photographs that are sure to make your evil taste buds tingle. Believe me, as a dark foodie, Rose knows that it’s damned hard to take really good looking food pictures. Our compliments to the Chef for his amazing photography skills!
The spells contained in the hallowed pages of this book are well defined and divided by their cultural inspirations. Our favorite being the Asian, Hispanic, and Middle Eastern chapters, primarily because they are the easiest to avoid the making of seitan (just add chicken or shrimp if you must…oh no, once again dark Chef, we have sinned). We are okay with Tofu, but must admit that the making of seitan is actually more work than we desire to do. However, if you are truly devoted to being or becoming a vegan, read and follow the oracles of inspiration of the Vegan Meat chapter!
What we really love about the recipes is that they are humorously and simply written in the Black Metal tongue, and Chef provides pictures of ingredient packages so you know what the hell to look for as you wander about the Asian market. His inclusion of variations on the recipes will broaden your vegan world beyond your stomach’s wildest dark dreams, i.e. check out the “Chili of Northern Darkness” chapter. As a lover of all things Rice, it is most appreciated that there is a “Rice of the Realm” section for most every cultural influence. Rice and potatoes are the great food equalizers. Wherever in the world you are from, your roots almost certainly contain one or the other. Rose’s personal favorite recipes have to be “Where Jambalaya Angels Lie”, “Obscure Brussel Sprouts for the Multiverse” and (we are dying to hear Max Cavalera growl out) “Roasted Roots….Bloody Roots”! And you know what? We learned a lot about lemongrass too. Now we finally know what to do with that flavorful shit!
Getting back to the point, the Seitanic Spellbook really is for the masses. You don’t have to be vegan, or metal, or a Chef to allow yourself to be enveloped in this cross cultural, inter spiritual food experience. Immerse yourself in the humor and wisdom, darkness and enlightenment, that is delivered to you upon a spiked silver platter.
We can only hope to have piqued your interest and broadened your brain cells just a sliver with our most unworthy opinion on the merits of the Seitanic Spellbook. For more, bring your open mind and hearty appetite to www.veganblackmetalchef.com or www.facebook.com/Vegan-Black-Metal-Chef